I so appreciate this. I always feel so safe resting in the idea that I do not need to hold power over my child. We are co-creators of our family and their wants, needs, thoughts, ideas are just as important as mine. It soothes me and gives me peace.
I resonated deeply and wholeheartedly with your post Sunita. We have had a family overhaul the last three years and it has been brutal as we’ve realised we have to let go of the traditional, authoritarian methods of parenting instilled in us and reach the hearts of the children the LORD gave us. And it’s difficult, letting go of what we thought was “biblical” and trawling the scriptures ourselves to work out, what does the Bible actually say about raising our kids? But I’m so glad, our lovely kids and their big behaviours led us on this journey. We are learning more about the love of the Father and wanting to reflect that to our kids. It is precious. So it’s lovely to hear other families on a similar journey.
"What if we stopped criticizing parents for not doing a good job “shepherding” or “stewarding” our kids? What if we instead chose to have a conversation about who our children are? "
YES. I think so often we lose the humanity of children in this conversation. It's understandable given all the anxiety and out-of-controlness that comes with parenting, but whew! Paradigm shift!
This is a wonderful exploration of your parenting style, I will definitely take a few nuggets with me and bed more thoughtful of my parenting choices and more tolerant of other’s parenting choices. Thank you. B
I really loved the idea of reminding yourself more often that they are image bearers of God. If you’ve never read it, I’d recommend Khalil Gobran’s “on children “. It’s mostly good I strive to raise my kids and I feel it dovetails nicely with what you wrote here
Thank you for this. You summed this all up nicely. This part though "Perhaps the disagreement lies in the degree of individualization required."..... So different then how I think a lot of us late 80s babes were parented through the 90s. My mom was constantly going on about things being even....and then, they weren't?? 🤔 Either way.. I think I have learned myself that each kid really does need that to thrive in a family unit. And some like our PDAers will not let things slide otherwise. 🙃
I hear you. I think this probably gets into the broader conversation around equity vs. equality, and also if we’re looking at those in the context of access to opportunity or in the context of outcomes.
I know this if vague but I don’t withhold access to something from one kid if it helps another. I give them both access - for one, it might be essential, but for the other it might not be. That lack of necessity doesn’t diminish its value.
I so appreciate this. I always feel so safe resting in the idea that I do not need to hold power over my child. We are co-creators of our family and their wants, needs, thoughts, ideas are just as important as mine. It soothes me and gives me peace.
Thank you, friend. I think we're on the same page! Whenever possible, I try to make choices that promote peace and reduce anxiety.
As an anxiety-prone person, this is messy even on the best days, but I can tell it's made a huge difference.
I think we are on the same page too!! <3 I love reading your thoughts and learning from resources you share. Thank you for sharing your brilliance.
🥹🥹🥹
I resonated deeply and wholeheartedly with your post Sunita. We have had a family overhaul the last three years and it has been brutal as we’ve realised we have to let go of the traditional, authoritarian methods of parenting instilled in us and reach the hearts of the children the LORD gave us. And it’s difficult, letting go of what we thought was “biblical” and trawling the scriptures ourselves to work out, what does the Bible actually say about raising our kids? But I’m so glad, our lovely kids and their big behaviours led us on this journey. We are learning more about the love of the Father and wanting to reflect that to our kids. It is precious. So it’s lovely to hear other families on a similar journey.
Yes! I don't think I even began to grasp the idea of God as a GOOD Father, or that we are all image-bearers of God, until I became a parent.
"What if we stopped criticizing parents for not doing a good job “shepherding” or “stewarding” our kids? What if we instead chose to have a conversation about who our children are? "
YES. I think so often we lose the humanity of children in this conversation. It's understandable given all the anxiety and out-of-controlness that comes with parenting, but whew! Paradigm shift!
Exactly! At the same time, I wish it wasn't this radical/countercultural shift to see children as wholly human.
This is a wonderful exploration of your parenting style, I will definitely take a few nuggets with me and bed more thoughtful of my parenting choices and more tolerant of other’s parenting choices. Thank you. B
Thank you! I'd love to hear more about what you're thinking/considering.
I really loved the idea of reminding yourself more often that they are image bearers of God. If you’ve never read it, I’d recommend Khalil Gobran’s “on children “. It’s mostly good I strive to raise my kids and I feel it dovetails nicely with what you wrote here
* how, not good
Yes! It’s such a lovely mental pivot. It’s helped me wonder and delight at the folks around me more - and also helped me be more gracious.
It’s also a gentle way to be kind to ourselves as adults!
And I haven’t read it- I will check it out. Thanks for the recommendation!
I love that…helped you wonder and delight at the people around you. Thank you ☺️
“ Then we hold it loosely—with open hands—because life is unpredictable, and there’s no guaranteed ROI in human relationships.”
That is profound and beautiful. We can’t hack relationships to guarantee ROI. We aren’t machines.
Thank you for reading!
Thank you for this. You summed this all up nicely. This part though "Perhaps the disagreement lies in the degree of individualization required."..... So different then how I think a lot of us late 80s babes were parented through the 90s. My mom was constantly going on about things being even....and then, they weren't?? 🤔 Either way.. I think I have learned myself that each kid really does need that to thrive in a family unit. And some like our PDAers will not let things slide otherwise. 🙃
I hear you. I think this probably gets into the broader conversation around equity vs. equality, and also if we’re looking at those in the context of access to opportunity or in the context of outcomes.
I know this if vague but I don’t withhold access to something from one kid if it helps another. I give them both access - for one, it might be essential, but for the other it might not be. That lack of necessity doesn’t diminish its value.
Thank you!