An imperfect car metaphor + a free download
For years, I lived with the feeling that something was fundamentally wrong with my health, like my body was running with its “check engine” light glowing, yet no one could tell me why. Appointment after appointment, provider after provider, I heard the same thing: "Nothing’s wrong." Or they’d focus solely on my weight, insisting that losing a few pounds was the magic solution. To me, though, the weight gain felt more like just one symptom among many than a root cause. I felt like I was being told to change the tires when maybe we should’ve been looking under the hood.
Before I became a Christian, I remember thinking this was proof that God didn’t exist. And since coming to my faith, I find myself often frustrated and struggling with why God allows suffering, pain, fatigue, exhaustion, and grief.
One provider urged me to try weight loss medications, and in hindsight, I am realizing that I felt so uncomfortable because it felt like she was preying on my deepest anxieties about future miscarriages—a tactic that, though well-intentioned, only deepened my frustration and helplessness.
I have written previously about getting diagnosed with autism and ADHD. And while those discoveries didn’t “fix” my physical health, they did explain so much about how I experienced the things that happen in my body. To continue the car analogy, it was like realizing that my body wasn’t built to run on what everyone assumed was “standard” oil—it’s not that anything was broken, it’s that I was trying to follow the wrong manual.
I’m still in progress, still searching for answers for these symptoms and experiences. I’m not looking for advice, but I am sharing because that seems to be what I do here. I’m slowly forming a clearer picture of what makes me tick and what I might actually need. I’m wrestling with my faith and trying to adjust for a different capacity.
It has been an immense joy and frankly sometimes a source of intense fatigue to be able to work, homeschool, and still pursue opportunities to write and speak about our family’s experience. But I’m grateful nonetheless. I’m grateful to be able to write—whether I’m journaling or sharing short articles—as it’s truly life-giving and energizing.
Here are a few recent links if you’d like to read more of my work:
Christianity Today | Becoming a Church for People of All Abilities
Key Ministry | Discovering What God Already Knew About Me, Through My Children’s Diagnosis
I also recently created a free resource for Christian neurodiverse families. If you’re parenting autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent kids—or navigating another disability—I hope you find these biblical truths comforting and encouraging on your family’s journey. Download them here.
Until next time, friends. 👋